The Impact of Bullying on Mental Health

by | Jul 22, 2023 | Guest Posts

My world shattered when I was 17 years old. I was a junior in high school and a member of my school’s drama presidency. I never imagined how cruel my friends of over six years could be. One of my friends began spreading rumors and ‘accidentally’ shoving me into lockers or tripping me. I sought help from my other friends, but none of them believed me. I thought things were improving when she seemed to back off. However, after the end-of-the-year drama banquet, I showed up to school and not a single one of my friends would acknowledge my existence.

I spent weeks being whispered about and ignored by my friends. Eventually, they sent texts telling me I was worthless and better off dead. I began experiencing at least three panic attacks per day. I would hide in the drama dressing rooms with the lights off and cry. I went to the drama teacher, but he chose to believe the group of people I used to call friends over me. I spent that summer as a shell of who I used to be. If it wasn’t for my loving and supportive family, I’m not sure where I would be today.

Unfortunately, there are millions of other stories like mine, and not all of them are lucky enough to have a family like mine. It has been reported in the United States that 1 in 5 students are bullied per school year. Bullying can include being the subject of name-calling, insults, rumors, physical aggression, or being purposely excluded from group activities. Students who are perceived as different are at a higher risk of being bullied. We often refer to these students as minority students. This applies to students of the LGBTQ community, religious minorities, racial minorities, and students with disabilities.

Regardless of a student’s demographics, bullying causes detrimental effects on a student’s mental health. Victims of bullying have a higher chance of experiencing depression, suicidal tendencies, anxiety, and low self-esteem. When a student’s self-esteem is damaged, they are more likely to experience a decrease in self-confidence and an increase in self-criticism. The bullies themselves also experience adverse effects which increase their likelihood to abuse alcohol, drugs, future partners, or future children. Bullying is harmful to everyone involved.

Students used to be able to come home from school and escape the torment of their bullies. However, by the age of 12, 71% of children have a phone and 56% of children have their own social media accounts. This creates the gateway for cyberbullying. Students with access to social media no longer have a safe place to hide from their bullies. A survey showed that 15.7% of high school students were victims of cyberbullying within the past year before taking the survey. Cyberbullying involves being bullied via technology and experiencing name-calling, spreading rumors, physical threats, stalking, receiving unwanted explicit images, and having personal explicit images shared without their consent.

During the COVID-19 worldwide pandemic, students’ social media addictions increased. The more time they spend on social media, the more likely they are to become a victim of cyberbullying. These students aren’t just statistics. These students are your children, your grandchildren, your nieces and nephews, and your siblings. The children in your life are just one filter away from enjoying TikTok and memes to experiencing online harassment or extortion. Your children can experience lifelong damage as victims of bullying that affects their ability to trust in any future friendships or intimate relationships. So, what can you do to help ensure your children are safe from bullying at home and at school?

I strongly encourage parents to promote honesty in their homes, teach internet safety, help build self-confidence, establish boundaries, and keep computers and other electronic devices in an easily monitored location. There is a lot of disagreement on whether smartphones should be allowed in a child’s room at night. I don’t believe there is a universal answer since each child is unique. It is important to have these discussions with your child so they feel they have a voice and that their opinion matters. Treating them with respect will help build their self-confidence.

Some things schools can do to help prevent bullying are to teach students empathy, create opportunities for students to connect, and watch for concerning behaviors. Teachers are essential in helping to prevent bullying in school. While the number of students to teachers is highly disproportionate, teachers need to be watchful for signs of bullying. Members of the school board can create rules to better protect children, and create bullying protocols. For these rules and protocols to be effective, they must be strictly enforced.

The most important people to help prevent bullying are other students because they are the ones on the front lines. Students, watch for ways you can help someone in need. It can be difficult to stand up for a victim because you feel you could be next, but I plead with you to take a stand. If one student stands up for another, more are likely to join in. I know it would have meant the world to me if someone had stood up for me.

 Kaitlyn Wangsgard is a graduate of the Marriage and Family Studies Department at Brigham Young University-Idaho. Her current area of focus is Marriage and Family Studies. She enjoys reading, the performing arts, strategic games, and spending time with her family.

Scrolling Our Way to Addiction

by | Jul 18, 2017 | Marriage, Parenting

technology addiction

We’ve all heard the jokes about how short a child’s attention span can be, but is an adult’s really that much better?

Have you ever thought about how many times per day you use your phone? On average, that number is somewhere around 2,617 times a day.

I can’t even tell you how often I have reached for my phone while doing homework, or looked up from my beloved screen to notice that everyone around me is also staring at theirs. When was the last time you went out to dinner with a group of friends and no one touched their phone? Or the last time you played a game with your kids without also mindlessly scrolling through Facebook?

It’s like we think we deserve a break from life, or a reward for our 5 minutes of effort. But the question we really need to ask ourselves is, are we rewarding ourselves because we think we deserve it, or because we literally can’t help it?

Technology Addiction: Is That Even a Thing?

You bet it is. Addiction was once only considered relative to substances, but now it includes things like internet and smart phone usage, too. In a survey of 200 college students at Stanford University, 10% reported being fully addicted to their phone, and 34% considered themselves almost addicted.

In the same survey, 75% reported that they slept next to their phone, and 69% felt that they would forget their wallet before their phone. Almost half said they would consider losing their phone to be a “tragedy.”

If we take a look into the homes of Americans, we will see that 90% of households have at least one smartphone, desktop/laptop, tablet, or other media-streaming device. While this may not come as a surprise, nearly 20% of households have at least 10 of those devices. In some cases, that means there are probably more devices than people. Let that sink in for a moment…

What Technology Addiction Looks Like in Romantic Relationships

Dating in today’s world is a little different than it was 20 years ago. Sadly, too many of us have had those awkward conversations where we had to repeat ourselves because our date was distracted by his or her phone. It often feels like we can’t even carry on a regular conversation.

If you can relate to this, you’re not alone. There’s even a term to describe it! “Phubbing” is when a person ignores or snubs someone in a social setting by paying more attention to their smart phone than the person they’re with.

Unfortunately, this kind of behavior has become the norm. When we walk into a restaurant, it’s not uncommon to see couples physically sitting together but mentally existing in completely different worlds. We seem to be losing the very human connection that makes our relationships meaningful.

What It Looks Like in Families

In a poll of 1,240 U.S. parents and children, about 60% of kids ages 12-18 reported that they could not give up their smartphones, and 1/3 of parents reported that they argue about screen time with their children on a daily basis.

Spending 6-9 hours per day using digital media, kids and adolescents feel pressure to stay connected, incessantly check for notifications, and respond quickly to texts for fear of missing out (FOMO).

What kind of effect does all this screen time have on families? Sadly, not a positive one. Family relationships are weakening. Teens are isolating themselves even more than they were in the past. Children and parents alike need instant gratification and are becoming more concerned with self than with family.

Speaking of parents, if mom and dad are constantly on their devices, why shouldn’t their kids follow suit? The old saying “Do as I say, and not as I do” isn’t nearly as effective as we sometimes wish it was. We have to be careful and think about the example we’re setting for our little ones.

What It Looks Like in Society

At this point you might be thinking, “Yeah, yeah I get it. Technology addiction is bad for me. But is it really affecting society?”

Actually… yes. Addiction to smart phones and other devices are causing us to have shortened attention spans. Kids are having a harder time focusing in school, and adults are experiencing the same problem at work.

A more obvious issue is texting and driving. In a survey given in 2012, 75% of teenagers said that they text and drive, and 56% of parents also admitted that they check their phone while driving.

Lastly, we cannot ignore the effect that technology addiction has on mental health. Those who struggle with a technology addiction experience a high increase in anxiety and depression symptoms. Naturally, this affects their educational, professional, and family life.

What can we do?

Before you get too worried that I’m going to ask you to burn all of your smart phones and other devices, I want to be clear: I’m not saying technology is inherently evil. Technology is amazing and can serve many useful and wonderful purposes. The important thing to be aware of here is the danger of addiction that comes from using it too much.

So knowing what you now know, here are 3 simple things you can do to make a change:

  1. When you go on a date with your loved one, turn your phones off. You won’t believe how much more connected you will feel even after just one uninterrupted hour together.
  2. Set a limit on screen time for your kids AND yourself. Find more quality activities for your children instead, and be a good role model by abiding by the same rules as much as possible.
  3. Leave your phone at home and go for a walk or a jog. Regular exercise is not only great for mental and physical health, but it helps with concentration, as well.

Technology addiction is real and very much alive in the U.S. today. If we can pay attention long enough, we might just be able to improve relationships, strengthen families, and better society as a whole without ever touching a smart phone.

 

Paige Gibbs is a student at Brigham Young University – Idaho studying Marriage and Family Studies with a Professional General Emphasis. She is from Soda Springs, Idaho and is the youngest of 5 daughters. Paige and her husband, Bracken, are high school sweethearts and have been married for almost 3 years. She is passionate about protecting marriage and the family and also loves sports, outdoor recreation, and trying out new recipes. 

Put a Pause on Technology — for the Sake of Your Marriage!

by | Sep 30, 2015 | Marriage

Family-Good things to come-44

While unhappy marriages may be unhappy for a variety of reasons, happy marriages have at least one trait in common. Simply put, in successful marriages both the husband and the wife prioritize their marriage. With never ending to-do lists and distracting technology, happy couples constantly look for ways to spend time together and nourish their marriage. These couples have learned to sift through distraction and focus on what matters most.

But this can be so challenging!

One challenge for preserving this couple time is our expanding work hours. Renowned marriage researcher Dr. John Gottman noted that contemporary couples are spending an average of 1000 more hours each year working as compared to couples just a few decades ago.

Part of this increase is due to substantially more dual-income couples than there were in previous generations. For instance, from 1950 to 2000, there was over a 250% increase in the percentage of women working. And, some of these extra hours are simply the result of increased work hours in general.

Technology: the good, the bad, and the ugly

Technology can be another large obstacle in our quest to prioritize sufficient time to nourish our marriage. Consider the following:

  • One study found that adults watch an average of 2 hours and 48 minutes of TV per day.
  • Another recent report suggested that people are spending an average of an additional 2 hours and 57 minutes on their smartphones or tablet each day.
  • As of January of this year, it was reported that we spend an average of 1.72 hours per day with social media.
  • A few years ago a TED speaker noted that, worldwide, we spend 3 billion hours a week playing video games.

To be clear, technology in and of itself isn’t inherently good or bad. Within all those hours mentioned above, there is undoubtedly a substantial amount of valuable time spent with media. However, far too many individuals squander precious time that could be used to strengthen their relationship with their spouse (and children) by spending inordinate amounts of time with technology and other forms of entertainment.

For those couples who truly want to have a happy marriage, they simply cannot afford to spend their best energy pursuing selfish activities. Plainly speaking, a never ending pursuit of entertainment and amusement can derail any marriage.

A Little Introspection

Do we see marriage for what it is? Do we recognize this relationship as the most important relationship we can ever form on Earth? Does our use of time reflect how much we treasure this relationship?

Do we truly demonstrate that we treasure our spouse by willingly turning off the TV when our spouse wants to talk? Do we prioritize our spouse’s needs more than our own interests and pursuits? And do we readily forego entertainment in order to help our spouse with housework?

If you feel like you have some room for improvement, don’t worry — so do I! If entertainment, media, and/or technology has prevented you from being the type of spouse you want to be, resolve now to be better!

Our spouse deserves a man (or woman) who will intentionally limit or avoid ever-present time wasters that could otherwise prevent us from maximizing the happiness within our marriage. Let’s resolve now to be such a man or woman!

 

Please help us strengthen families by sharing this article with your friends and family! Likewise, to see more of Dr. Rob’s articles (as well as articles by Dr. Tim), please also check out the rest of our blog and our Facebook page.