Of Heroes and Villains: The Impact of Screens on Today’s Youth

by | Mar 20, 2024 | Guest Posts, Parenting, Uncategorized

The Lost Boys

Todd and Lionel, ages 13 and 9, are brothers who spend most afternoons after school alone in their apartment. The boys are not allowed to go outside after school because their mother works, and she worries about their safety and the influence of the local children. So, after warming up their Hot Pockets, they play video games or watch movies to pass the time. Their recreational screen time (ST) consumption averages four or more hours a day, and the content is often fraught with violence and sexuality.

Todd used to love Spiderman and Batman, but that has morphed into an obsession with villains, especially The Joker, Pennywise, and Jason. He is socially awkward and has few friends. His conversations usually revolve around his favorite video games and horror movies. He has little interest in physical activity and doesn’t like school.

Lionel enjoys sports but can’t play because of his mother’s work schedule and a lack of money. He is fascinated with Anime characters such as Naruto and Pokémon. Not surprisingly, he is also lagging behind his peers academically. He appears sad and has become more withdrawn even from family.

What’s the Big Deal?

Todd and Lionel are not unique in their attraction to, and time spent, playing video games, and watching digital movies. They are among millions of children in the U.S. and worldwide who are impacted by the overuse of screens. In 2021 children between the ages of 8-12 (tweens) spent an average of 5 hours and 33 minutes on their screens.  Those between the ages of 13-18 (teens) spent an average of 8 hours and 39 minutes on theirs. This statistic does not include school time use. The majority of their recreational ST is spent watching online videos, playing video games, and using social media. Boys spend an hour a day more than girls on daily ST. They play more video games than girls who use social media more. Both genders spend about equal time watching videos, especially on YouTube.

Children today certainly have a different lifestyle than those who grew up pre-video/internet era. Everything from food to entertainment these days is ready-made, and gratification is instantaneous. Kids are easily bored because the high pace and repetitive nature of video games create overstimulation, which are designed to be addictive. Screen-free, imaginative, physical play is foreign to them.

Children’s social interactions are limited at best, and they are not making real connections with real people. More youth are hanging out virtually through texting, video chats, gaming, or watching movies together. This equates to not learning communication or social skills, or developing emotional resilience. They have less ability to deal with stress, boredom, and adversity, so loneliness, poor self-esteem, and anxiety result.

There is a well-documented link between excessive screen time and depression. Why? Firstly, physical activity, which is essential for good mental and physical health, has been substantially reduced by excessive ST. The CDC recommends that children 6-17 years be physically active for at least 60 minutes every day. Fewer children walk to and from school, and recess has been reduced in thousands of elementary schools, so unless a child regularly engages in team sports or dance, or can play with other neighborhood children, they become sedentary, reliant on screens to entertain them.

Depression is the leading cause of disability and poor health among children and teens. Overuse of ST rose during the COVID-19 pandemic (2019-2021) as did incidences of depression and anxiety. This statistic has not changed much since then. Depressive tendencies often carry over into adulthood and affect the quality of life and ability to thrive.

Secondly, excessive ST interferes with proper sleep, and the combination of insufficient physical activity and poor sleep hygiene is linked to depression. This often leads to poor academicperformance. This is particularly problematic during adolescence because when teens aren’t engaged in school, don’t do well, or feel overwhelmed by the workload, anxiety increases, and self-esteem diminishes. The worse they feel, the more they turn to ST, intensifying their depressive symptoms. It’s a villainous cycle.

Children can suffer cognitive and emotional impairment with early and/or excessive ST. They are not learning problem-solving skills, emotional regulation, and critical thinking, which are essential academic and life skills. These kids stand a higher chance of school burnout, leading to higher dropout rates. Low educational achievement reduces employment opportunities, leading to eventual poverty.

Technology is essential in this day and age. There are a multitude of advantages, including the convenience of communication and educational experiences that encourage attentional abilities, improve memory, and allow access to unique learning opportunities. The educational use of ST is not the primary issue here; it’s the recreational overuse of it that is harmful.

It Takes a H.E.R.O.

H: 2 Hours

Todd and Lionel, and the millions of other children in this world need their parents and caregivers to step up to be their protectors, their heroes. The first thing that needs to be done is to monitor how much time children are spending on their screens. The recommendation for recreational ST is between one and two hours daily.

E: Educate

Being educated about how to use ST to the best advantage of children will prevent a myriad of potential ills. RAISE is a free app that helps families reclaim their role as protectors of their children. Be informed about the content of what children are watching, playing, and browsing. Know how to use filters and other parental controls and talk to children about “why” they are necessary.

R: Relationships

The best replacement for screens is parental relationships. Spending more quality screen-free time with children, talking, and playing with them, will improve the relationships within families and communities. Be patient; this is a process that will take some time for them to get used to.

O: Observe

Hypocrisy is a powerful villain. Observe your own behavior. Set the example you want children to follow. Pay attention to changes in children’s moods, their interests, and who they are spending time with, and act when needed. Be the hero they need.

Shellie Ehlert is a senior at Brigham Young University-Idaho in the Department of Home & Family Studies.  She is passionate about strengthening families through education. She believes in Maya Angelou’s adage that we do our best until we know better, and when we know better, we do better. Shellie’s greatest accomplishment has been her education, and her greatest joy is her husband, Jack, and their large, blended family of 9 children and 13 grandchildren. She enjoys running, studying foreign languages, and indulging in her monthly McDouble from McDonald’s.

Are You Feeling like the Black Sheep Too?

by | Mar 11, 2024 | Guest Posts

Have you ever felt that you did not belong?  Maybe you feel a little different than those around you?  It’s like an internal battle that creates a feeling of being the “black sheep” or the “outcast.” I have seen this happen in my family and have experienced it in my own life.  

First, my younger sister.  Thanks to relentless allergies and a struggle with depression at a young age, she felt miserable and seemed to take it out on all of us.  Our family could not go anywhere without her having a meltdown or throwing a fit.  Her behavior was used as an excuse anytime our family missed out on fun experiences or memory-making moments.  There was a lot of frustration, anger, and stress with my parents that spread into our family and my sister seemed to be at the center of it.  She was like the “black sheep.”

This role of the “black sheep”, or the “outcast,” is labeled as the identified patient.  The identified patient seems to take the brunt of the family’s problems and/or gets blamed for every negative thing.  By having an identified patient in the family, it is often easier to hide root issues that are not resolved in the family’s system.  It is a bit like playing the blame game.  If there is someone to blame for the discontent, then the deeper struggles can be pushed aside.  In my sister’s case, her behavior gave the perfect space for blame when it was needed in our family.  

Second, my personal struggles.  As my siblings and I grew, I began to struggle with anxiety which was not easily understood.   As I started a family of my own, anxiety and depression reared its ugly head.  I was faced with an emotional battle that I did not know how to handle on my own.  It was hard enough that my husband did not know how to help, but it was worse when I felt I could not rely on my family of origin for comfort or support.  

Everyone said to “get over it” or “let it go.”  As an adult, my parents and siblings would often try to talk me into doing recreational things with them because “it would help me.”  When I would say “no,” ridicule would often follow, or plans would change, and I would feel blamed. Sometimes I felt as if I was being treated as a sick patient, which often left me with a victim mentality or a feeling of being helpless.  In any case, I would find myself feeling worse mentally and emotionally simply because I was misunderstood and I felt I had taken on the role as the “outcast.”

Finding Space for Blame

According to Marriage and Family Therapist and Relational Trauma Recovery Specialist, Annie Wright, an identified patient is one that emerges from a negative family lifestyle.  This can be an abusive, dysfunctional, or chaotic family with adversity in the early childhood of the “patient.”  Anytime that a family is not able to tolerate or handle stressful situations, an identified patient can, and possibly will, emerge.  Instead of working on the root problems within the family, it is often easier to find an imagined source of contention and place the blame on him or her, resulting in the “real problem” being ignored and dysfunction being disguised.  

A Rise in Anxiety

How does this affect us today?  According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), 3.6%, or 264 million people worldwide struggle with anxiety.  In the United States alone, the prevalence of anxiety in adults is 19.1%, and in teenagers, ranging in age from 13 to 18 years old, about 32%.  

So, imagine this is you.  You are striving each day to make it the best day despite feeling overworked, providing for a family, the loss of a job, health issues, parenting, relationship issues, the never-ending list of household chores, etc.  Every now and then, you experience anxiety because of the heavy load that you carry.  For a teen or a child, the reasons for developing anxiety are different.  The National Education Association explored some of these reasons and found the pressure to fit in, to achieve, and from social media were at the top of the list.  In addition, not feeling safe at school has also become a fear.

Now imagine turning to family or loved ones and feeling neglect rather than support.  How would you handle that situation?  How would you find your “safe space?”  Unfortunately, for some, that “safe space” comes in the form of consistent worry and anxiety and a feeling of looming loneliness while living each day.  

Annie Wright claims that when the family system is not able to tolerate the growing stressors around them, family members take care of themselves by outsourcing or dumping their feelings onto one individual leaving this member of the family feeling worn down and anxious. Often teens and children make themselves the identified patient by keeping their personal stressors tucked inside.  Without adequate support to work through the negative feelings or thoughts, a generalized anxiety disorder or some form of mental illness may begin to develop.

Finding Relief and Support

Anxiety is on the rise for many.  We could all do better to help lift, support, and love one another regardless of our struggles so that we can all maintain a level of safety and peace within ourselves. Dr. Terry Warner taught, “Seeing other people as the problem, is the problem.” Instead of pointing out the “black sheep” or labeling others as an “anxious person,” we should help one another to heal through a higher level of compassion and support.    We have the power to create change by recognizing our need to advocate for one another and erasing the idea of the identified patient.  

The Jefferson Center offers some insight to help families better understand one another.  They suggest staying calm, being an active listener, respecting differing opinions, considering the bigger picture, and creating safe boundaries.  These useful tips can be used in any situation especially with anxiety.  

Ways to help lessen anxiety in yourself or someone you love include meditation, yoga, rest, exercise, journaling, and therapy.  When support from loved ones seems too far distant, finding those that have your best interest at heart is vital.  Anxiety can be a lonely battle, especially if others try to label you as the identified patient, but with the right tools, you can become empowered and grow through the struggle.  

 

My name is Heather Larsen. I am married and have two kids.  My family is my world!  I am graduating from BYU-Idaho in July 2024 with plans to attend grad school to study mental health and well-being.  I am a family life coach working toward becoming board-certified.  I have truly enjoyed working in the coaching field and walking with people along their journeys.  After enduring my own personal struggle, I have developed love and gratitude for anxiety.  I am committed to learning about, sharing with, advocating for, and supporting those who have a similar struggle.

Story of My Life: Connecting the Generations

by | Apr 10, 2017 | Parenting, Uncategorized

story grandparents

No, this is not an article about your favorite band, One Direction. Sorry to disappoint. 🙂 But keep reading, and you’ll see why the title is quite appropriate.

Who Do You Know?

How much do you know about your parents? Your grandparents? I know you probably grew up with them. But that doesn’t mean that you know the intimate details about their lives . . . especially before they were parents.

I have found that even in my closest relationships, you can learn a great deal about a person from asking them the right questions. It is so easy to take those we care about for granted. To assume we know everything there is to know about them. This has certainly been the case with me. I live about 2 ½ hours from my parents, but I visit them fairly often. Recently, I have tried to ask them more questions about their lives, their feelings, their stories, and so forth. Then I just listen. And then ask follow-up questions. Wow!

My father’s health has been slowly deteriorating for several years. Things are not looking promising. So I’ve decided to sit down and interview him in order to glean as much wisdom and as many experiences as I can. I hope this can be part of our legacy as a family. My children, my wife, my siblings, and beyond will benefit greatly from these stories. But don’t just take my word for it.

Connecting Generations Through Story

Family stories, such as those passed from previous generations, act like a chain that link together family members throughout time. It gives children a sense of who they are and how to approach life. Generational stories also have several other tremendous benefits.

When 2 psychologists from Emory University worked with children before and after the 9/11 terror attacks, they found that “the ones who knew more about their families proved to be more resilient, meaning they could moderate the effects of stress.”

The researchers concluded: “The more children knew about their families’ histories, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher self-esteem, and the more successfully they believe their families functioned.”

But we can’t just pass on the greatest hits of our ancestors; they need to be real individuals with real challenges. The bitter with the sweet. For example, “We’ve had ups and downs in our family, and here is how we overcame our trials.”

Not only do inter-generational stories help in the long-term, but they also have more immediate benefits as well!

A study from Oxford University showed that teenagers whose grandparents were activelstory generationsy involved in their lives were happier. They had fewer emotional and behavior problems and got along with their peers better.  “Close relationships between grandparents and grandchildren buffer the effects of adverse life events,” the researchers said.  

Another study from the U.S. showed that grandparents have a positive influence on their grandchildren that is distinct from parent-child relationships. When grandparents stayed connected and involved with their grandkids, the children in both single parent and two-parent families “were kinder to others outside their immediate family and friends — and, in some cases, smarter.”

The bottom line: if you want a happier family, create, refine and retell the story of your family’s positive moments and your ability to bounce back from the difficult ones. That act alone may increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come.

Great Granddaddy Knew

One of the primary reasons that generational stories are so impactful is that they tell about love and sacrifice. Indeed, leaving a lot of wealth to posterity may be desirable for some, but leaving a legacy of love will go much, much further. I share a portion of the lyrics from a song written by one of my best friends (who’s also an old bandmate):

Some people leave lots of money
For their children when they go
But no, not my grandfather
All we got from him was love.

Late a couple nights ago, my youngest on his tippy toes,
overheard his daddy cryin’.
I was sayin’ something to the Lord
Like “I wish I could give him more”
when my baby intervened.

He said: Daddy why are you crying?
Stop apologizing
All that I’ve ever wanted was to be loved by you.
Cause that’s what your daddy gave you
And that’s what his daddy gave him
Great granddaddy knew, that you would love me too.
Great granddaddy knew.

So What Are You Waiting For?

When and how can parents and grandparents share these stories with their children? If you aren’t currently holding annual family reunions, take the bull by the horns and get on it. It only takes one person to start a fire.

Set aside time to do interviews with family members! One author gives the following recommendations:

Well-crafted, open-ended questions can yield fruitful results when you interview family for purposes of family history. Take time to tailor the questions to the person you are interviewing.

When you are ready to conduct an interview, have the questions in front of you to make sure you are getting the information you desire. Conversations about family can go many directions. When possible, record the interview on audio or video.

The article goes on to list 150 possible questions you could ask! I highly recommend you use this reference as a guide.

Don’t wait until they’re sick or gone. You never know what the future holds. Start today with a few drips, and then over time, it can become a flood of family stories for you and your posterity.

 

Please help us strengthen families by sharing this article with your friends and family! Likewise, to see more of Dr. Tim’s articles (as well as articles by Dr. Rob), please also check out the rest of our blog and our Facebook page.

Defending the Family at the UN

by | Mar 28, 2017 | Advocacy

Dr. Tim shares a little bit about his experiences defending the family at the United Nations during the Commission on the Status of Women.

Defending the Family at the UN

Posted by Family Good Things on Thursday, March 23, 2017

 

Please help us strengthen families by sharing this video with your friends and family! Likewise, to see more of Dr. Tim’s articles (as well as articles by Dr. Rob), please also check out the rest of our blog and our Facebook page.